WHAT NEXT AFTER GRADUATION? CAN YOU LAMINATE YOUR CERTS?

Education has been a key to success for so far to long despite some people arguing that “the padlock has since being changed”. However, without education, the world would be 300 light years poorer than it is right now, according to Babu Robert Mugambe, former Zanu PF leader and a detester of European people. Others argue that people have made it without education whereas graduates are all over struggling in life. If you think I will at any one point support such thoughts then you are absolutely right. Some people have made it in life without any educational history. 

Why You Must Live No Matter What

However, you cannot be rich without education yet your hobbies are cooking, travelling, watching movies, adventuring. Those are hobbies for lazy people. Take an example with your local businessman who have made it but did not finish his primary education. If you ask around, probably from your elders, you will hear that he was not playing football or jumping from one tree to another like any typical village kid was doing but such a type was always rearing chicken, rabbits, or selling a small kibada as a hobby. 

Another example is the richest man in the world (of course you all think it is me) Mr. (I will update you with the name when I remember) who owns Microsoft, a technology company although he failed in his 4^th grade education and had to quit school. Remarkably, he did not quit school because he was so dumb. Nah! He was obsessed with coding and therefore, studying a e i o u for an exam was so difficult and such a time wasting ‘useless’ for him.

Back to Kenya, what do you do after you acquire your academic papers and how do you transform these papers in to Job? These are the most lingering questions that graduates ask themselves. For the undergraduate, jobs are waiting for you and those who are not working are either lazy or cowards. Your time is coming.

First, or to start with as it is more often a opener with the academic writers, you must not laminate your academic certificates. Wait, did I say you should laminate? I am sorry I said should not. It is a common perception that laminating is a way of preserving them from dust and rats but that idea is misplaced. You cannot afford to annul your certificates by laminating them. Even without telling you why, have you ever laminated money? Have it ever gotten destroyed by dust? Can you accept laminated money notes? 

But, because I know some of my Blog followers like Laura will want to know why lamination is not encouraged, it is because they will lose their authenticity. Mostly, academic papers have their quality and originality marks. Some of them are in 3-D such as the seal. Laminating will flatten everything hence it is impossible to detect such marks. More so, laminating will destroy the texture of your certs. Touching your transcripts between your fingers will make you realize those are not ordinary papers, they are designed so as a quality check. Do not laminate. You can use a document wallet which I will address later when you agree to fund me through PayPal account njugunanyenjeri@gmail.com to support this gospel.

Another selling area is how you write your CV. Most of us will write under personal attributes “able to work under pressure, hardworking, dedicated, et al”. Those are overused cliché’s. You do not need work pressure for the fuck sake due to your mental health, so why would you encourage your employer to pressurize you. Instead, say something like “perfect in meeting short deadlines even if it calls for sacrifice of my free time”.

Another point you need to address is your hobbies. Some will just say watching, games, travelling, singing. Do not be lazy. We all do those things how can you afford to say they are your hobbies? If you want to include watching games, at least include live matches from the stadium. It shows your potential employer you are not lazy to just sit the fuck in the house and watch the TV. Watching movies should never be a hobby. Only lazy people watch movies from morning to evening. Movies should be only when you have nothing else to do, which then do not qualify as a hobby.  If you play computer games and you want to include that, don’t just say computer games. Candy crash is a game which any Harry, Dick, another Dick, and Tom can play. You rather talk of FIFA, PUB G, or another game that requires use of brains. (Twihamue hihi).

Remember, what you write in your CV will only help you get short listed for maybe an oral or written interview.

You may get curious kwani am i employed? Nigas and Niglets, we are still sending CVs 24/7. 

Tuzidi kuzituma!